Today is Hippy-fest L’s birthday, and yesterday, we went out to celebrate with Rent and milkshakes from Tom’s.
It was a strange sort of evening, because everybody else there were really good friends with each other, and I was the 6th wheel… then the 10th wheel. (It’s a talent to be able to be the “extra wheel” even with even numbered people, I know.) The even stranger thing was that I didn’t mind being with the group and apart at the same time… I know the whole “loner” complex it more or less my own doing, but there is a safe comfort in being that way because I can never leave myself.
Maybe I am too judgmental towards others. But the truth is, I’m constantly searching for the new Big D; not even someone to date, but just someone to connect with. It discourages me so when I get to know someone well enough to find out that they’re not so much like me as I had thought. Opposites are supposed to attract, but I know that I’m only looking for superficial opposites of myself with essentially the same… sense of humour? personality? goals? outlook on life?
Rent on Broadway was so much better than the movie. It was grittier and real, not to mention that the movie cut out a whole bunch of scenes. I really connected with the plot this time, even though I’m still the same straightedge, heterosexual girl I was before. The show gave me hope, and I guess you can say that Rent might have given me a new lease on life.
there’s only us,
there’s only this,
forget regret…
