So there’s been a void in my life as of late… and to be slightly clichéd, I’ve tried filling it in with bad television and decent masturbation, but none of it seems to be helping enough. So, having exhausted my current methods of coping, the creation of this blog is throwback to my teenage angst years… a bad sign? In any case, this time around, I’ve exercised all the necessary precautions to remain anonymous and write with a message.
In a messed-up kind of way, The Geek Tragedy is inspired by Big D; the guy who’s had the ability to shred my heart twice (so far?). Yesterday was Big D’s birthday. He and I have always been… slightly awkward with gifts, and now that we weren’t together anymore, the situation hasn’t gotten any better. He loves crepes, and so I managed to find a rake (ie. crepe spreader) in Santa Monica, lugged it back to NYC and sent it to him in bubble wrap. The sad part is, I think I was a lot more excited to find the gift than he was at receiving it. After 2 emo-tinged e-mails, I thought it only right to call him (it was his birthday after all …!) and told myself that I was just popping in to for well-wishes before leaving him to birthday celebrations.
I am really good at lying to myself.
What I actually wanted was a lot more. I wanted a 1-hour, 2-hour, 3-hour long conversation where we caught up on what was going on in our lives, and where he would continue to give me hope (intentionally or unintentionally) of him thinking of me, missing me and of us getting back together. What I got instead was fuzzy mobile reception, “I’ll talk to you some other time” and him eating candy (most likely with someone else). The night ended with me imagining all kinds of relationship scenarios he would have with “Candy Girl”, telling myself that I do this every time, and eventually crying myself to sleep.
Oh, and we did break up over 7 months ago. Yeah.
So if life is about learning, and learning comes through trial and error, I might actually need a few more errors before I learn my lesson about Big D. And so begins another trial… welcome to The Geek Tragedy.
Tags: new beginning, tragic ending, welcome
